Lay-off

We had a lay-off today. One of my closest friends in the company is gone. I just walked her out of the office. We have 4 girls very close to each other -- me, VG, VZ and JC. They all joined earlier than I did. We've been through all the layoffs in those very depressed economy down time. Now when everyone thinks that economy is getting better, VZ is gone. I felt very very sad to see her leaving. I won't say it's a bad thing for her to leave, we all think she got a pretty decent package and she definitely can get a better job. It's just an emotion thing. I never felt this bad about any previous layoffs, I felt so close to this time and I am affected more deeply. I feel kind of trapped here. I'm waiting for my green card so that I cannot move. I feel like that I'm just waiting at here to be laid off in the next round or the one after. It's a horrible feeling. I remembered that I had a dream the night before. I was chased by a bunch of bad guys. I ran into someone's house, and they let me hide under the bed. The bed is very low, I have to squeeze myself in and lie on my stomach. The space is so small that I feel suffocating and trapped under the bed. Then the bad guy came in and looked around. I was praying and praying, but still, he found me easily. Then I woke up from my dream with that suffocating, trapped feeling. Now I have the same feel again -- trapped here, waiting to be caught.

Trapped