I met him during the first year in college. We were so naïve and innocent at that time, I think probably everyone at our age at that time is as naive as us. He was after me at that time. But my parents are always very strict to me. I think they affect me a lot in all my decisions until I came to US. Almost every weekend I went home, they would say something such as not to have a bf in college, ‘cause it would affect my study. I think mainly it’s because my sister used to have a bf in college, and she dropped from the top student to one of the bottom students in one semester. My parents were afraid that I was like her.
So there was really nothing happened between us, we just went out within a big group to have fun. We studied together. And usually we took walk together under the afternoon sun while the campus speakers played the music “Out of Africa”. It was a happy moment, peaceful and romantic. He wrote poems to me, and we held hands sometime when we took the walk. It only lasted for one semester. Because I skipped many classes for the first semester, and dropped from the 2nd place in the midterm exam to out of top 10 in the department after the final exam. When I was at that age, my major responsibility is to make my parents proud of me, I think I still carry that responsibility even right now. I felt so horrible. It actually was not his fault at all, but I wrote him a letter saying that I can’t have a bf in college ‘cause I need to study hard to be in the top. He was hurt but he still wrote back to tell me that I had the right choice and wished me luck. After that day, we stopped seeing each other, I didn't go out with his crowds any more. I really studied hard. I turned down all the people who were after me, and never had a bf in college. When I graduated, I got two bachelor degrees at the same time and also was one of the only two students who won the "Distinguished Student" title in our department. I was the ONLY girl who didn’t have a bf in my class by the time I graduated.
Right now when that period of time flashes back in my mind, I would wonder -- Did I miss anything when I was young? Was it a smart choice just to study hard and miss some life experience? If I didn't choose what I have chosen, what and where will I end up to be now?
I never know that I hurt the boy so much until I met him this time, he told me that at that time even though we didn’t see each other any more, he would go to the building right across the street from my dorm, just want to have a peak of me. I felt so bad to know that. Good to know is that he is happily married right now. I wish him all the best luck.
Shanghai Museum
