I wish...

I haven't updated my blog for a very long time. I'm busy, and also lazy. I actually have written something, but don't feel like a good article, so I didn't post it. I remembered once I told a friend, I feel I can write better when I am in sad mood. When I felt sad, I can write articles with strong emotion, the words just flow out of my figures, I don't even need to think about it. Since my last post, I haven't written for almost 2 months, was I too happy in the past 2 months? Now I started to write again, is this because that I'm feeling sad again?

I still worry, worry about my future, worry about all the uncertainties in the future. I still don't know what I should do, or what is the right thing to do. I still feel like that I'm somewhat waste my precious time, that I didn't use my time wisely.

I went to a BBQ party today. When I was in the BBQ party with 40 other people, suddenly I felt so lonely; I just wanted to go home. But of course no one is waiting for me at home, I felt worse when I got home, so I went out with my friends again. It was too early for clubbing at that time, so we went to Fairmont hotel. I like the live music there on weekend. But my friends don't seem interested in it at all. So they all went to S's office and left me alone there.

Most people in Fairmont hotel are over 50 years old, and they all come in couple or in group. I sat in the corner quietly by myself, letting my thoughts flying along with the music. The guy who plays piano noticed me and smiled at me, trying to cheer me up, I smiled back to him. They started to play some cha cha music. Then this old couple came to the dance floor and started to dance. The gentleman held the lady, and led her so smoothly. She danced like she has no weight, floating all over the dance floor. All the time they were looking at each other in the eyes and smiling at each other. I feel like this is the most romantic scene I have ever seen.

There is this one famous Chinese song, which I only remember one sentence in it:
The most romantic thing in the world is to grow old with you.

I wish I can be like that old lady -- when I am 60 years old, I'll still have someone who I love and who loves me, hold me gently, lead me to dance and grow old with me day by day ... Will this be possible?

Lonely


I think I'm in a kind of sad mood right now, maybe it's just from the tequila shot I had tonight. Maybe I will feel like nothing has happened tomorrow morning, maybe I will be refreshed and happy soon. Maybe I shall just clean myself up and go to bed now. Don't think too much, have a good sleep, tomorrow is another day!